The Handsome Handsaker Project

The Handsome Handsaker Project was a musical project pioneered by Sam 'Bloom-Urn-head-Pile-Handsome' Handsaker. His songs involve themes such as facebook-masturbation, Robot-afterlife, pooing and canabis, the latter two being his favourite hobbies (occasionally riveled by facebook-masturbating). the band was signed to Gabe Oates LTD as recomended by Jack Hamilton of So Much Better, after he overheard him singing about his life while stoned and cry-wanking. The Project was formally known as th 'Handy-W Project' and included Warren 'Iamcyclist ' Smith, however a dispute involving WKD forced the the pair to go thier seperate ways Smith with So Much better First, than his solo career, and Handsaker with The Handsome Handsaker Project. For many Handsome Handsakers song Kill the Harsh Lighting defined the genre known as Handsome Rock. The Project ended in 2011 after Handsaker died in a punch-fishing accident, after which he was given a ceremonial Munting-at-sea in the tradition of legendary puch fisher Arthur Mung.

Early Life of Sam Handsaker
Sam 'Handsome' Handsaker was born to a Handsome family, in St Annes, Germany. As a young boy he moved to Nottingham, England where his musical talent was recognized by his childhood friend and occasional sexperimenter, Warren Smith of Iamcyclist and So Much Better fame. Inbetween various homo-erotic sexperiments they attempted to push the bounderies of modern music, aswell as the boundries of healthy plutonic friendship, the result of both was the Handy-W Project, initially a live sex show feturing Handsakers Masturbation Revolation, it developed into an experimental music project.

The Handy-W Project
The Handy-W project was shortlived however highly influencial. Alec Huckle, the drummer and occasional rapper (raper) for So Much Better stated:

"I listen to the Handy-W project whenever I get a boner!"

The project was bound to loose though as it insisted on Handsaker and Smith co-operating with eachother, which was impossibble as Smith was an asshole back then. They produced only 2 copies of thier EP "Sounds of Erections" one of which Handsaker used to wipe his arse with, while his favourite towell was in the wash.

Laments of a Balding Man
Laments of a Balding Man was the only full album by The Handsome Handsaker Project, and is considered as 'The Shitist album of all time' by most people, although it featured the Breakaway hit Robot Hell, Which sold over 1 copy, and was top of the ringtone charts for weeks. Many argue that it can't be referred to as a real album as Sam Handsaker died during the making of it, meaning it had only two tracks (Kill the Harsh Lighting and Robot Hell). Jack Hamilton commented,

"it only needed the two tracks because it was fucking ace!"

He then wet himself. George Martin also of So Much Better said of the album: "Thank fuck it only had two tracks it was fucking shite mate." Laments of a Balding Man was widley regarded as the most handsome album in the world.

Bald Slow and Weird
Many songs that were written by Sam were never put to music, in June 2011 Jack Hamilton and Warren Smith began writing music to accompany many of the lyrics that Sam could never sing and put them on an album named Bald Slow and Weird, this is the first time Warren Smith has used Handsakers work in nearly four years.